there’s many different feelings that come from being long distance from home….and an even longer distance from your sig other. Twelve hours by car to the town I call home, seventeen to the man I call home. Where do I go for comfort? Where do I go for love? Where do I go to feel at piece? All I can do is hide myself in my apartment, with my loud roomies, and the occasional social outing to feel somewhat content with the social life I don’t always feel up to having. What do you do when your bestfriend is your boyfriend? Your home is so far away? You sit on your bed, and click through the hundreds of pictures you took before you departed from your two most valuable assets.
But it will be worth it. I will be successful, I will make a name for myself, I will eventually be reunited with all I love and know, with content in my heart, knowing I am doing the best I can. I love Kentucky, I love the feeling, the environment, the new norm. I don’t love myself for not being able to connect and socialize for very long with others. I don’t love myself for getting fed up or tired with my friends. I don’t love myself for pushing them away and then crying that I feel alone. Everything I know and want is seventeen hours away. Why can’t I have that right now and forever?
I am such an introvert, wanting to be an extrovert. I want to be social, I want to laugh, I want to be out on a Monday night doing something ridiculous, but I am scared. I am too much to myself. I just want my family. I want the people I know will never leave me, because they connected to blood. I’m sick of the new bestfriends that last a month or two, they aren’t even people I tell everything to and hangout with. they just people I see maybe once a week. I am so lost. I just want to be great. I want to be successful. I want to be happy.